


In Which Karkat Hates Life

by saintjoy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-15
Updated: 2012-12-15
Packaged: 2017-11-21 04:09:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/593295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintjoy/pseuds/saintjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you hate life almost as much as you hate yourself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Karkat Hates Life

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you hate life.

 

Life is the force that makes you want to vomit on a small dog for crossing your path. Life is the mushy coffee grinds that sit in the bottom of the pot at the end of the day and unpleasantly slip down your throat when you think you can squeeze out one last lukewarm cup. Life is the feeling of helplessness and incessant irritation whenever Life decides to fling some shit at your head, whenever Life chuckles to itself quietly from the back of the classroom at its clever prank, whenever you screech about how asinine Life truly is and then get reprimanded for it by some equally asinine schoolteacher. Life is the bane of your existence, Life is the one thing you wish would disappear for good and leave you the fuck alone to wallow in your own realm of self-disgust and hatred. 

 

Life likes your ass. Life said so, as Life almost immediately began shoving its foot up your tight, sweaty anus. Foot being coated with powerful laxatives and prickles Life managed to pick out from the raw cotton that used to be your pathetic excuse of a reality. Life made reality numb and shallow, like nothing other than Life mattered, like Life was the only important thing to you and Life was the only thing you could ever have interest in, that you could ever pay attention to. If Life wanted some attention, it sure as hell was doing an impossibly shitty job at it. 

 

Life has idiotically blue eyes, stupidly black hair that never seems to stay put, big dumb glasses that you're sure it doesn't actually need, white teeth that it puts on a huge display whenever it shoots a smarmy grin your way. Life is taller than you, Life is skinnier than you, Life has the strongest arms you've ever seen, Life is better than you in every single way you could ever imagine. Although that isn't saying much in perspective, because you're one of the shittiest people you know. Life is so great, Life is so fucking fantastic, Life is the best thing that could've ever happened to you, Life, Life, Life fucking sucks, alright, so why don't you just shut your fucking mouth and talk about something else for once?

 

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and the only thing you hate more than Life is yourself.

 

Life knocks on your door and quietly asks if you're okay, even though Life knows that you'll never respond because it's always Life's fault, anyways. You know that it's never Life's fault. You know it's only yours. You know it's just easier to blame it on something else, you know that's why it's Life's fault. Life tries to pat you on the back when it thinks you need one, and even though you know you do you slap Life's hand away and tell Life to back the fuck off. Life pats you on the back anyways. Life smiles its foolish, shiteating grin that makes your chest heave and tighten like Life is physically choking you with its own two hands. Life's hands have long and slender fingers. You hate them, too. Life invites you over to its place to watch some movies with you, even though Life knows you'll reject its offer because of some odd reason you never explain to it, when in reality you have no reason to not enjoy a movie night, because you love movies, even though Life's taste in cinema is the shittiest you've ever seen.

 

Life comes to you one night, knocking on your door again like it actually is asking for permission to enter when it knows that it has some consent to just barge in, a consent you begrudgingly gave after the thirtieth time Life barged in without even thinking about why your door was closed in the first place. You snarl to yourself as you shift on the edge of the chair you're sitting in. You don't turn around when you hear the door open and close again. You don't speak when Life says it has something important to tell you. You don't move when Life finishes talking, when Life leaves again without saying goodbye.

 

You don't do any of these things because you can't.

 

Life catches you in its arms when you go running after it with eyes blazing bright. Life looks startled at the sight of your broken face that runs with tears, Life smiles nervously and brings a thumb to your cheek and wipes a droplet of salty water away. Your shoulders shudder with every breath you take. Life cuddles you, Life gently rubs your spine up and down, Life whispers into your hair and closes your eyes with two fingers, telling you it will all be okay. You tell Life never to leave. Life promises it won't.

 

Life thinks you're beautiful. Life says so every day as it passes by you in the hallway, threading its long fingers through your hair for a split second and commenting how soft it is. You flinch every time and clench your fists in protest, but you don't say anything. Life hugs you and softly kisses the space between your eyebrows the way it found out you like. Life brags how lucky it is to be honored with an amazing boyfriend like you. You hit Life and groan about how stupid it is to think that you could be fooled by its lies. Life looks at you seriously and tells you it's not lying. You know that it is.

 

Life holds your hand at night when you creep into its bed with tears in your eyes. Life is patient with you when you whine about how horrible of a person you are. Life rubs and pats your back soothingly, Life listens to you and doesn't complain when it's past three in the morning and you've kept Life up all night, Life simply shakes its head when you try to apologize. Life doesn't say anything until you're done, but when Life speaks it speaks something you'll never forget. 

 

Reality isn't so numb anymore. You still feel a lingering touch of the heavy aura that once shrouded you now and then. Life has bathed you in so many compliments that you start to believe them. You look in the mirror in the morning and see the same person you always saw. But you notice new things, like how your hair is looking healthier, your eyes less sunken and dull, your teeth brighter and your face more full. Life claims you've always looked that way. You disagree.

 

Life kisses you passionately and holds you so close you think you might just melt into its body. Life pulls your shirt up and lines kisses from your collarbone to the hem of your pants, whispering the entire time how beautiful you are. Life says it in between soft breaths, and in more descriptive words. Your face turns red as words like beautiful, magical, fantastic, love, perfect slip into your ears. You squirm under Life's touch, embarrassed and overwhelmed from the treatment you were receiving.

 

For the first time, you feel truly happy. You suffer from this disease that others call love, and it soaks into your skin and fills you up with the warmest feeling you've never experienced. Love brings a smile to your face that still feels foreign, makes chuckles rise out of your throat at the stupidest things, gives you a rush of bliss whenever you think about it. You never thought, not once, that a worthless person like you would ever be permitted to be as happy as you are. You know how great you have it, and wouldn't give it up for an entire universe for fear of never regaining it again. Life says you're being stupid when you say things like that. You grin and goofily head-butt Life in the shoulder, which soon turns into a hug that turns into a warm cuddle that turns into a kiss that makes the world melt away into the sweetest nothing you never could have asked for.

 

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you love life more than you ever thought you could.


End file.
